Oh for Pete's Sake...

This news shouldn't be a surprise at all, going by previous rates at Arsenal player recoveries from injuries, but Jack Wilshere now won't be back until October. So basically, pencil in August 2014 for his return. The only plus is that if we're all really, really patient, we might finally get a decent season out of him by the time he's 30, like we have with Tomas Rosicky. I reckon there's a fifth columnist Spurs fan working on the medical team. It's the only explanation....

Nooooooo!!!!!

This is so much worse than the imminent departure of RVP. Lee has taken the money and defected to the abomination that is ITV. And I had so much respect for him. This is even worse than Slaven's taking the Moscow Rouble. Heart = broken. If Liam fecks off to3e, then I really will give up all love for the game...

Best Name EVER Part II

Sure, Mardy Fish is a hell of a name, but check out these guys........

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you................TUNJI BANJO. Played for Leyton Orient, no less, in the late 70's and also for his native Nigeria.

But that's just the aperitif. Please welcome to our Totally Skill world.........

......BONGO CHRIST! Or Christ Bongo. Either way, it's a stunning moniker. And, get this....Bongo played for the Congo. I'm not making this up. There's no way I could..........

Best Name EVER

This man is Mardy Fish and he recently lost to Jo-Wilfried Tsonga at Wimbledon.
He also has the best name EVER.
That is all

Totally Euro Skill

A huge thanks to our correspondent Penny for her wonderful updates over the past few weeks. They were a pleasure to read, and seeing as I was stuck on trains and buses for most of the Euro's duration, and trying to steal moments at the laptop in hotels with ludicrously priced Wi-Fi, my contributions were rather thin on the ground. (Excuses, excuses).
So in the 'wrapping up' spirit here at Totally Skill HQ, I now formally submit my awards for the veritable feast of football we have been treated to in Poland and Ukraine. Starting with........

GAME OF THE TOURNAMENT
I was partial to Germany v Greece, purely because the Germans scored a couple of belters, and the Greeks never gave up, even without their insane talisman Karagounis. It was a feisty and open affair, at least until Germany put themselves out of sight towards the end.
Spain v Italy in the first round was pretty tasty too mind you.

PLAYER OF THE TOURNAMENT
Pirlo. Simple. I don't know what hair product he uses, but his silky skills had all the flow and shine of the best that L'Oreal could hope to offer.

PLANK OF THE TOURNAMENT
Again, I have to agree with Penny on this one.....Nasri was lack of class personified. Threw strops, and generally acted like a spoilt brat, while his team were one of the most underwhelming French teams in living memory. At least in 2010, they had the good grace to bow out with an alarming show of ineptitude and all out mutiny. Here, they barely managed a whimper.

DISAPPOINTMENT OF THE TOURNAMENT
From an Irish point of view, it simply has be the manner in which we collapsed across all three group games. Nothing was really expected, and we were in a hell of a group, but it was the fear with which we took the pitch that grated the most. Our players aren't world beaters, but I'm pretty sure they can muster a better effort all round than this. And Trapp needs to go. It ain't going to get any better........

Sorry, couldn't resist one last one...

Federico Balzaretti and...

Vincent Cassell

You're welcome

It's So Over...

And so we come to the end of what's been a fab few weeks. Spain were worthy winners but who could fail to feel sorry for the Italians (and who ever thought they'd find themselves doing so?) after going down to ten men through injury rather than Balotelli blowing a gasket? From the first minute it was clear it was a game too far for Italy and that Spain were not going to lose, but a 4-0 win was entirely unrepresentative of how good Italy are and how much they were in the game at times. Dearie me; I can't believe I like the Italian football team. Whatever next? Spain were superb though and it's got to the point that they're so good, it's just taking the piss really. They might have to be disqualified for the next few tournaments to give everyone else a chance and let this generation of Spaniards retire. Mind, the kids look quite handy too...

 A word on the anthems: What Buffon lacked in tunefulness, he certainly made up for with commitment. And Spain: how can you not love an anthem with no words? Avoids all those embarassing sporting events with your competitors either singing badly or forgetting the words. Brilliant. Shame Eamonn Dunphy misinterpreted the non-singing as a political gesture, the chump...Do your research pal.
Without further ado, I give you a few suggestions for awards for the tournament:

HAIR OF THE TOURNAMENT:
Has to be Pirlo of course. Even after 120 minutes and penalties in the game against England, it looked immaculate. Respect.

PLANK OF THE TOURNAMENT:
A close one this as for a while I felt Ronaldo might steal it from Nasri, but then the revelation that it was manager Bento's idea for Ronaldo to take the final penalty against Spain, coupled with the fact that plankness is surely just Ronaldo's natural state meant I have to give it to the breakout star of the tournament, Samir Nasri. He's been working steadily at it for the past couple of seasons, but he surely reached a new level this summer.

GAME OF THE TOURNAMENT:
For comedy value it has to be Sweden v England. Anyone could have won by any margin, such was the ineptitude of all concerned. Entertainment aplenty.
In pure footballing terms it was probably either the Spain v Italy game from the group stages or Germany v Italy in the semis for me.

PLAYER OF THE TOURNAMENT:
That Pirlo's quite good isn't he? And he wasn't too macho to cry like a big girl after losing to Spain so fair dos. Mind, he can't be that good if Phil Brown hasn't heard of him.

PAST FOOTBALLING HERO WHO'S NOW MAD AS A BOX OF FROGS AWARD:
Michel Platini, take a bow. The insane idea to stage the tournament across a number of countries; mental. When challenged by incredulous journalists as to the impact financially on fans, he replied that there are plenty of budget airlines now. That's ok then. Still not cheap mate and have you heard of a carbon footprint?

DISAPPOINTMENT OF THE TOURNAMENT:
Russia. Promised so much, gave so little.

REVELATION OF THE TOURNAMENT:
I know I keep banging on about this, but I really am still in shock at how much my opinion of Italy has changed. They always played football, never parked the bus and the diving and shirt-pulling of yesteryear seem to have been irradicated almost completely. Great value.

 And this, dear friends of Totally Skill, is a graphic representation of July. NOTHING!!!! NOTHING to keep us entertained but the grim saga of painful transfers played out on Sky Sports News. So with that I bid you adieu for now.